When I was a little girl, I was terrified of God. Hellfire and brimstone sermons gave me nightmares. I knew I was supposed to love Him, but how could I love someone who was just waiting for me to slip up so He could burn me alive forever? In my mind, God was an angry old man with a clipboard, checking off my sins as I worked through His list of “thou shalt nots.”
And, let me tell you, by the time I became an adult I was thou-shalt-notting with the best of them.
When I came to faith in Christ, I believed God had to let me in since I had “prayed the prayer.” But did He like me? Doubtful. Did He love me? Surely not. In my mind, God held His nose and opened the door because Jesus talked Him in to it. I did not understand that God is good or that God is Love, and I certainly did not understand grace. But, as I have grown older and walked through fire on this earth, some of my own making and some the consequence of others’ actions, I have learned to better understand the heart of God…the heart of The Father. Growing in my understanding of God through my journey of motherhood was the key.
Like any decent parent, I love my kids. These days, love is such a funny word because we have watered it down to mean very little. I “love” pizza. I “love” flowers. I “love” sunsets. But the love I have for my children transcends all of that. I love my children with a fierceness reserved only for them. There is nothing I would not do for them. There is nothing I would not give up gladly to protect them and ensure their welfare.
So if you, despite being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
Matt. 7:11
My children came to me apart from any will of their own. We pursued adoption because we wanted a family. Decisions were made for our children without their understanding. Our duty was to love them, raise them, and teach them what Love looks like in the process.
And the thing I had to learn, the most important fact that would forever impact the way I interacted with my children who are all now adults was the fact that God is Love.
But how could I teach them about the love of God if I didn’t understand the nature of Love? This took nearly three decades of struggle and frustration to grasp. If God is Love, what does that even mean? Wasn’t He mad about the mess we have made? I believed for many, many years that God’s default emotion towards humanity was anger. We are, after all, sinners in the hands of an angry God, right? Wrong. So very wrong.
I began reading the Bible cover-to-cover when I was around 45 or 46. I have now read it several times and, as I grasped the arc of history and patterns woven throughout scripture, I realized my worldview was changing. My GOD view was changing. For, despite the troublesome Old Testament passages we all question, Jesus continually told the people He came to set the record straight.
How many times did He say, “You have heard it said, but I say…?” How often did He correct the flawed thinking of sinners who cowered, waiting for judgment to fall upon them? He did not come to condemn the world, He said. He came to save it. (John 12:47)
“Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”(John 8:10-11 NLT)
Do you hear the love in His voice? A woman, caught in the act of adultery. Accused and condemned by the religious leaders. But Jesus does not condemn her, he loves her. He explains who He is and why He came (John 8:12).
He is the Light of the world. He illuminates our path. If we follow Him, we no longer have to stumble around in the darkness. He came to open our blind eyes and show us the truth. Jesus is perfect theology. (John 14:9) Everything we read, everything we believe must be filtered through the lens He gave us, of a good and just God who is a good and merciful Father, to be interpreted correctly.
Does God discipline? Absolutely. But, like a good parent, his discipline has a purpose. To teach us. To form us. To love us into the life He has for us.
And the truth is, we are only capable of love because He loved us first. While we were still sinners, Jesus died for us. We didn’t ask to be born, but He chose us before the foundation of the world fully knowing all the ways we would fail, all the people we would hurt, every secret sin we would try to hide. That infection passed down by Adam? Jesus came to cure it.
Why?
Because He loves us. Because God the Father loves us. Because God the Holy Spirit loves us. They, the Holy Trinity, in their perfect, unbroken, self-giving, other-centered relationship love us and include us in their life. In THE only life that is truly worth living.
So why do we think our default position as humans is separation from our Father who loves us?
We have gotten it so wrong, and the consequences of our flawed thinking are playing out in real time all over our western culture. Separation, and the threat of it, breeds fear. Fear often manifests as anger. And wasn’t it John, the son of Zebedee, who had walked with Jesus during His time on earth that said:
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
1 John 4:18
And didn’t that same man, “the one whom Jesus loved,” remember the words of His best friend who was also the Messiah when he wrote, “The one who has seen Me has seen the Father (John 14:9)?”
It took almost three decades of following Christ to begin to grasp the depth of love that is wrapped around me and flows through my veins. And the biggest lesson I had to learn was that this love predated my own surrender.
Chew on that. Let the mystery set your mind spinning.
It’s scary, isn’t it? It’s scary to let go of the dualistic thinking that has ruled Western Christianity for centuries. It feels dangerous, reckless, and wild. It feels rebellious.
But maybe it is that wildness that held Christ to the cross. Maybe it is that rebellion that enables martyrs to sing praises to God as they burn.
Maybe it is that dangerous Love that drives us, the living representatives of the Kingdom, to love the outcasts and hold our tongue when the keyboard tempts.
Maybe.
Separation theology, the belief that we are innately separated from God, is the root of so much hatred and violence. It creates the “I’m in and you’re out” mentality behind countless atrocities committed in the name of Jesus (Slavery, colonialism, racism…pretty much every -ism we can invent). It is behind our judgement and dismissal of others and behind the anxiety many believers experience because they feel they’ll never measure up to God’s expectations. I know countless women who sincerely seek to follow God and still walk in fear of condemnation.
Let me put your fears to rest. You can’t measure up. Jesus did that on your behalf because God loves you. He holds you. You stand in the safety of the unbroken, mysterious, Trinitarian dance as a beloved child before you even realize your need for Him.
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous person; though perhaps for the good person someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also celebrate in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.
Romans 5:6-11 (emphasis mine)
Read that again. Slowly. Meditate on the truth Paul is so beautifully articulating.
Do you see it? This is God’s demonstration of Love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13:
Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
1 Cor. 13: 4-8
God is Love. His default towards you is Love. All the attributes above? They are the God-inspired definition of Love. You, dear one, are beloved. Understanding that is the foundation for every healthy relationship, every truly effective ministry, and the ability to look at yourself in the mirror without shame. I can’t say it enough…you are beloved of God. Chosen, cherished, and relentlessly pursued. You are the one for whom He leaves the ninety-nine and nothing you do can change that. The mission of Christ is finished. The cross worked. You are forgiven and now have the opportunity to surrender to the God of love and live the truth of who you are in Christ starting now.
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all mankind, because all sinned— for until the Law sin was in the world, but sin is not counted against anyone when there is no law. Nevertheless death reigned from Adam until Moses, even over those who had not sinned in the likeness of the violation committed by Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come.
But the gracious gift is not like the offense. For if by the offense of the one the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many. The gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one offense, resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the gracious gift arose from many offenses, resulting in justification. For if by the offense of the one, death reigned through the one, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.
So then, as through one offense the result was condemnation to all mankind, so also through one act of righteousness the result was justification of life to all mankind. For as through the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous.
Romans 5:12-19 (emphasis mine)
“Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain but He washed it white as snow (source).”
God seeks relationship with each one of us. He longs to see us experience Kingdom life now, basking in the light of His Love and enjoying the inheritance that is ours as His children.
This week, as we count the days until Easter, don’t rush. Don’t zip through Good Friday to get to the happy ending. Sit in it. Meditate on the finished work of Christ. Realize how far He went for you. Let Him love you. Let His love change you, your family, your friendships, and your opinion of yourself.
Then, come Sunday, lift up your voice and sing, for death has been defeated and the grave overcome! You are forgiven and free. Let that knowledge give you a new filter through which to see, then go in peace to love and serve the world.
God’s default towards us is Love. May ours toward others be, as well.
~Jeanine
"maybe it is that wildness that held Christ to the cross" this reminds me of Nouwen's book The Return of the Prodigal Son. Good stuff, Jeanine. I love your honesty and the beauty of your whole journey. Keep writing!
Thankful for the ways your writing BBCs (Builds Beloved Communities). Keep it up!