When the Rubber Meets the Road

Developing a more intellectual faith.

*If you would like to listen to this essay, simply play the recording below. (Apologies for the background noise…my dogs decided to wrestle near me as I was talking!)

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A timid “hello” from my neck of the woods. :)

Photo by Vladislav Klapin on Unsplash

Long time, no see. Right?

I apologize for the unexplained absence. Life has been full to the brim the past few months and I simply have not had the headspace (or even the drive) to sit down and produce anything worth sharing.

Even in the busyness, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I am here, why I write, and for whom. This focus on living loved as God’s beloved may sound trite to a lot of people. If I am honest, sometimes it even sounds cheesy to me. I’ve second-guessed the name, “Beloved, Be Loved,” more times than I can count, yet I always come back to it. Why? Well, I want you to think about this: It’s easy to believe you are loved by God when life is going well and things are smooth. We all like our little Christian bubbles where everything is safe and predictable, where prayers are quickly answered and the kids obey the first time. It’s easy to proclaim the goodness of God when the bills are paid, everyone is healthy, and the water heater isn’t leaking and creating a wall of black mold (ask me how I know).  But when the unexpected comes–whether it is a diagnosis, disaster, tragic loss, or any other type of suffering that interrupts our lives–our belief in God’s goodness is tested. Our protective bubble bursts.

And when the bubble bursts is when the rubber meets the road.

Again, I am speaking from experience.

As you might remember, I went back to college to finish my bachelor’s degree last year. The most recent classes I completed were quite intense. One was a World Religions class, the other was an Early American Literature class. I have written essays and research papers until my fingers are numb, read thousands of pages written by people from multiple centuries throughout human history, and have come to a very important conclusion.

God has always intended for us to know Him. Humans are the ones who make it hard.

He has planted truth everywhere. I saw shadows of the gospel throughout many world religions, many which honestly surprised me and gave me a new understanding of the cultures from which the world religions emerged. I see how God has made Himself known, leaving a trail of seeds so to speak, so that all of mankind can find Him and respond to His love. I also saw how people got in His way, too often Christians who believed they were better than everyone else because they were “chosen” over the “savages,” effectively othering people who bear the image of God and treating them worse than animals. And I saw how God revealed Himself in the most unlikely of circumstances; in poverty and slavery, marginalization and injustice.

Now, let me be clear…I do not believe all roads lead to Jesus, but I do believe there is no road Jesus won’t go down to find us.

And that gives me great comfort.

For my bubble did, in fact, burst. The rubber is currently meeting the road and I can tell you that when I am faithless, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob IS faithful. His love is my great comfort when the world feels utterly dark, and I trust Him. I trust His heart. (At least, most of the time.)

But, really, I have no choice. He is the God who became man, entering into the suffering of His creation and going all the way to the bottom of it, leaving no stone unturned, no person unloved. Where else could I go? Who else could do what He did and still does for us?

To be beloved is so much more than feeling the warm fuzzies during a worship song or skillfully preached sermon. It is to exist in a reality that is the antitheses of the world that appears to be burning at the moment. It is to live held, supported by the everlasting arms of a Father who is, and has always been, only good. Living beloved is not something we do, it is an identity within which we can finally breathe. It is who we are, even when we don’t act like it or feel it.

Even when we are faithless.

Going back to school has been much more than an academic experience for me. Difficult, awkward, and theology-stretching conversations with beloved humans who do not yet understand the love God has for them have forced me to dig deep and recognize many of my own preconceived notions about people who live and think differently than I do are sometimes, well, wrong. Jesus is perfect theology, flawlessly representing His Father to the world, so I must look at the people I interact with through the lens He modeled for us. I have to choose to love even the atheist who actively rants against the church or the Wiccan mother who was abused by religious parents and rebelled against a version of Jesus that was downright heresy. I have learned that it is good to question and think deeply, and I encourage others to do the same. You do not have to check your brain at the door to be a Christian.

In the midst of all this I have had some weighty conversations with a couple of my kids. One just graduated from college, the other is in a private school that has students from all over the world. Their experiences are pushing them deep, causing them to ask really good questions.

And this is what I tell them:

It is good to seek a more intellectual faith. Your emotions will not be enough to get you through the hard seasons of life. You have to know on a deep, thoughtful level what you believe and why. That is the only way you will stand when things fall apart.

I cherish these conversations. I believe God does, too. He is not afraid of our questions or doubts. He lovingly meets us right where we are and lifts up our faces until we can see Him.

We have resources at our fingertips that are beyond the wildest dreams of the early church and church fathers and mothers. Hebrew and Greek lexicons, multiple translations, books upon books about theology and history all give us the opportunity to read, research, and learn in ways that once were only attainable to those attending high level seminaries. What a gift, yet so many are satisfied with platitudes and a few favorite verses mostly taken out of context. Don’t settle for that.

No matter how little or how much education you have, you are able to think deeply and learn. It may not be easy and you might feel overwhelmed at first, but as your mind adjusts and begins to file away what you learn in ways that are readily accessible you will find yourself seeing things in plain sight that had previously been hidden. You will filter what you hear through a more thoughtful lens and recognize the patterns of grace woven from creation all the way to this day, this moment in which you live.

God welcomes our questions. He meets us in the mystery. He carries us when we are bogged down with doubt and rethinking everything we thought we knew. He never leaves us or forsakes us. And, best of all, He has given us His Spirit to teach us and remind us that we are His.

That is what it means to live as God’s Beloved. It is to realize from the depths of your soul you are safe, you are wanted, and you are fully known. It is to learn without fear and allow yourself to wrestle with the things that go against what you thought you knew. It is to have the freedom to stretch and grow within this era some describe as the now and not yet as we all await the day when everything sad becomes untrue.

I hope to write more often, but with school and the holiday season approaching it may be more sporadic than usual. Thank you for bearing with me. I’m also hard at work with my friend,

Amanda Parker

, on our new Substack space called StoryHood: A Community of Women Writers. We are so happy for all that have submitted pieces already, and let me tell you there are some women out there who can write…women with very little following or social media presence, no book contracts or professional training. They just need someone to believe in them and give them space to share their stories. I am very excited to link arms with my sisters and promote good, true, and beautiful writing without the time-suck of depending on social media to get their work seen. I hope you will join us. There are many good things ahead for StoryHood. Just go to storyhoodcommunity.substack.com to subscribe.

Be sure to subscribe (just click the button below!) so you receive my latest essays in your inbox or via the Substack app. I truly appreciate every person who takes the time to read what I write, and I pray my words bless you and help you recognize “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Eph. 3:18-19)

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